Biting Off More Than I Can Chew (as Long as It's Not Cookies)

-
Or, Change Is Hard, Yo.

Detoxing your mind and your body at the same time ain't easy, folks. In fact, I wonder if I might have bitten off more than I can chew this year. Last year, I just gave up Facebook and had enough trouble with that for the first few weeks. This year, I'm dealing with mad junk food cravings on top of it. So I can't neb around on people's social media accounts and I can't eat away my worry that everyone's out there having fun without me. Good times.

To deal with that, I'm going to tell you what I would have posted on Facebook today, and then I'm going to tell you what I would have eaten these last few days had I not made this commitment to Making a Better Me.

Facebook Posts I Didn't Make Because Facebook Sucks and I Don't Need It
  • <Photo of order that arrived from Penzey's today> "Squeee! So many new spices to try. It's like Christmas all over again!"
  • <Photo of air-fried french fries> "Busted out the air fryer again and made homemade fries, this time with Trader Joe's 'Everything But the Bagel' seasoning. YUM."
  • "I really want some cookies."
Apparently, the world isn't any worse off for losing my Facebook presence.

Foods I've Been Dreaming About
  • Scones. OH THE SCONES. They have delicious scones in the cafe at work and I love them and miss them. I almost waved at them through the glass of the pastry case Friday. "Good morning, lovely scones. I'll be back with you in six short weeks. AND THEN I WILL EAT YOU ALL!"
  • Something sweet after dinner. I didn't even realize that I often grab a few Hershey Kisses or something similar after dinner until my body started craving it Thursday night. Calm down, body. I'm not getting any kisses and you're not either.
  • Girl Scout Cookies. My coworker bought a ton of cookies and she was walking around with an open box of Tagalongs on Friday. I politely declined, but my inner Cookie Monster was screaming "COOOOOOOOOOKIEEEEEEEEEEE!"
It's only been a few days, and it'll take me a few weeks to settle into my new habits — and then things start getting a lot easier. But since I'm not eating junk and I'm not posting junk, I have more time. I'm finally rehabbing an ankle that went south doing yoga late last year. I'm walking a bit with the physical therapist's approval. I'm doing all my PT homework because the therapist terrifies me and I don't want her to yell at me.  I'm trying to pack my lunch and cook healthy dinners. I'm tracking my calories. I'm dreaming of summer afternoons, reading in the sunshine. I'm not writing as much as I should be, but I'm trying.

Oh how I'm trying.



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Pandemic Log: 4-7-2020

-
Image
Status: Alive. Not as sleepy as yesterday. Wheee! Down to three rolls of TP. Should I be concerned? Mood: Going a wee bit stir crazy. Snacks: OK, fine. I had an oatmeal cream pie. Readers, this daily karaoke journey is fraught with peril. I made multiple attempts to capture today's recording. On the first try, my sound didn't work. On the second, my camera fell and landed in my cleavage. On the third, I warbled too much. But still I persisted, and finally got this version of "Part of Your World" (with some ad-libbed alternate lyrics) before I pulled out my quarantine hair. It's week four for remote work here, and it can be a real challenge. I find that I'm great at accomplishing task-based to-dos, but have a helluva time thinking about big-picture or strategy issues. I thought this would get easier over time, but it doesn't seem like it is. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat, but it's hard to know since I really am literally the...
Read more

This Santa Reminds Me of a Penis I Once Knew

-
Image
I live on a narrow street with narrow houses built on narrow lots. And each year, one of my neighbors packs every available inch in front of her house with every inflatable Christmas decoration known to man. At first I thought it was a little much — I personally prefer simple white lights and red bows —   but after a decade of Christmases in my neighborhood I actually look forward to seeing what crazy character she adds to her Merry Menagerie each year. She's got two giant snowmen that tower above everything else. Maybe some reindeer? But the best, by far, is Sad Penis Santa. He didn't start out as Sad Penis Santa. When he first joined the Merry Menagerie, he was more like Stripper Santa. At first glance, you thought you were just looking at an inflatable Christmas tree. But then BAM! Santa would come rocketing out of that tree, wearing its top as a hat, like a stripper popping out of a birthday cake. Then he'd fall back into the tree and get ready to do it all over ag...
Read more

Lose a Waxy

-
This blog is supposed to be about how I'm fat, and the trials and tribulations of trying to go from fat to "Hey, that girl's just got a little more to love than most others." But first I want to bring you a special public (pubic?) service announcement about a life-changing topic. Something so important that once you read this your eyes will spring from your ocular cavity in utter amazement that no one has yet to tell you this. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm here to talk about the perils of bikini waxing. I have a reputation as something of an oversharer, but I think too few people understand what happens not during a bikini wax -- that's pretty clear, actually -- but after you pull the pants up and head back home. If you're a girl (or manscaping gent) who gets the hair ripped out of normal places, you'll likely be just fine when you get home. Oh sure, some wax might have stuck around up front and hardened, sealing your skin to your undies for a...
Read more