Pandemic Log: 3-20-20

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Status: Alive and a little tipsy
Mood: Fine. Everything Is Fine.
Snacks: Finished my generic cheez crackers. Had some potato sticks. Found a cider for virtual happy hour.

Today marks the end of Pandemic Week One, a period of time that has somehow lasted approximately 435 days. I'm settling into the whole being in the house alone thing, but I also find I'm engaging in activities like yelling at people out my window to comment on their dog's cuteness. (True story. Also true: the owner was weirder than me, even considering that I was yelling out a window.)

I think, like the rest of the sane people in America, I'm concerned about what comes next. Not just how long will this last, but will everyone I love be on the other side of this? Will there be another side? What will the economic fallout and (I hope) subsequent recovery be after America basically closes?

But most importantly, will I ever be able to buy bread flour again?

Oh, you think I'm kidding, but it seems that the TP hoarders have made the switch to baking supplies, and when regular flour ran out, they moved on to bread flour. What the hell, assholes? Don't you realize that bread flour has a much higher gluten content than regular flour? It's not for pancakes or muffins or cupcakes. Your crumb will be denser and your pancakes may be chewer. I admire your chutzpah to create things from scratch, but please leave the bread flour for those of us who actually bake bread, please.

People also keep talking about how great their networks and neighborhoods are and how everyone is being really nice. My neighborhood is business as usual. From my vantage point in my stay-at-home office, I can see two twentysomethings leave their houses approximately 10 times a day. Is there a speakeasy open somewhere that I don't know about? Where are these people going? And why aren't they concerned about a disease that's basically doubling twice a day in the US? I don't get it.

And because I don't get it and I also don't want to scream out my window at these people and start a giant fight, I'm attempting to mind my own business. But it's hard to be a responsible citizen when so many people are just like "I'm gonna do what I wanna do and fuck you assholes trying to tell me otherwise."

Today's funny story: I learned the hard way that I should assume all online meetings will include video instead of being audio only. I interviewed a former dean of our college with this hair today. Before this ends — if it ever ends — I will have a full mullet.

PS: How do you make a weekend feel like a weekend when you can't do anything?

BAD HAIR AND I DO CARE BUT WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD



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