Swimming Around Pool Etiquette

Entitlement, thy name is Old Guy Swimming at My Gym.

I love my YMCA's pool. It's not glamorous, but it gets the job done. And because it's not glamorous, it's not too busy. I headed back there today after a few months out of the water and it felt great to be moving again. I don't quite have my kick back yet -- my knee is still kind of an asshole -- so I mixed water jogging with other upper and lower body exercises to get an interval workout in. 

Everything was going swimmingly (groan!) and I was working hard when this old dude showed up. I've seen him before. At least a year ago, he came in with big scuba goggles and, I'm pretty sure, spent the whole time checking out ladies' butts under the water. He's bad about personal space and sort of gives me the heebie-jeebies. Luckily, I've generally been in a lane when he was around. But today I was jogging in the big open space for water exercise when SPLASH, he jumped in to the pool right beside me. 

"Unnecessary!" I muttered under my breath, before he rose to the surface. If you're going to jump into the pool, don't do it around another human being who could be hurt in the process. (I was only a foot or two from his point of entry, with my back to him.) I just kept jogging, though, in my straight line from one wall to the other. As soon as Old Guy surfaced, he began swimming right at me! I paused just in time for him to get directly in front of me, and then he kicked me. I was like "HEY! EXCUSE ME!" He brought his goggled face up from the water and mumbled something that didn't sound like an apology and basically got in my way for the next ten minutes.

Old Guy is one of a few guys just like him at the pool who think they're entitled to all the space. It's like manspreading, but the pool version. Once, a dude refused to share a lane with me, even though the sign says "Two swimmers per lane." When I pointed out the sign, he just shrugged and said "Sorry. I don't share." Another day, I noticed a woman waiting to get into a lane, but a few old dudes didn't even bother to ask if she was waiting and took the next spots when they became available. So I very impolitely told them she'd be waiting and they needed to get out and get in line. Another day an old guy told me that my jogging should be done in a lane. Apparently, all my actual work in the pool was getting in the way of his chatting with the lifeguard.

Yes. The lifeguards. Nice folks, but they're high school kids who apparently have an unending amount of crud to pick out of their fingernails, so it's sort of survival of the fittest when the entitled old guys show up.

I should note here that not ALL the old guys are bad. In fact, some of them are downright delightful. But my overall experience has been that men come to the pool and think they own it. And I've had enough of this sort of shit. It's one thing to know the government and most employers think women are sub-human, but I won't tolerate being treated like a second class citizen AT THE POOL.

So I don't give in. I don't move out of their way if I was there first. I point out when they're infringing on my space or being rude. I point out when they're breaking pool rules. I don't give a rat's ass, either, if every white man over 70 in that particular part of town hates me, because I'm sick of being jumped on and pushed out of my lane of travel and kicked! (WHO KICKS SOMEONE ELSE???)

Just in case you're an Old Guy Swimming at My Gym, here are some good rules of thumb to follow.

1. Don't almost jump on someone. In fact, most of us use the steps to avoid being jagoffs. Try it.
2. If you see someone really working hard, don't swim into her. Matter of fact, don't swim into anyone.
3. Don't swim so closely to someone in the no-lane area that you kick her. Don't kick anyone.
4. Wait your turn for a lane.
5. You have to share a lane. We all do.
6. You aren't more important or special than anyone else in the pool.
7. You don't need scuba goggles at the YMCA.
8. Yes, you have to get out when Adult Swim ends. We all do.
9. Please rethink the fit of your swim trunks 😳

Post Script: Sometimes the Old Guy Swimming at My Gym brings his female companion, who is equally clueless and gets in everyone's way. I can't imagine what their home life is like. But anyway, today she nearly bonked into me a few times. At the end of the adult swim, before the family swim started, I offered to help the lifeguard reattach the lane line that separates the deep and shallow ends. The clueless female companion hovered right on that line in her buoyancy belt, staring at me with her mouth open. "OK. You need to decide if you're staying in the deep end or coming into the shallow, because I need to attach the lane line and we all have to get out of the pool for the lifeguard's break," I told her. Stares. "One or the other, lady." And she pointed to the shallow and slooooowly floated out of my way. I attached the line and was heading out of the pool and had to wait for her to go up the steps. I wondered if she was mute, maybe, or had a learning disability. Then she spoke. "What's a lane line?" She had LITERALLY JUST SEEN ME RUN THE LINE ACROSS THE POOL! So not mute, I guess. But certainly not all there.