Lose a Fatty

Status: Last night's popcorn was a bad idea. But alive! Mood: I'm not as ugly, sad as you. (Not really. I miss all your faces unless you're my ex.) Snacks: There's a piece of cake downstairs with my name on it. This week's theme is apparently angst. Yesterday, I felt pretty low. Today, I actually feel much better (what is with these pandemic mood swings???). I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to be home for quite a while yet, and today I realized I felt better because: I got up at a reasonable time and didn't feel guilty that I rolled out of bed and into my desk chair, which means that I Ate breakfast, ergo I was hungry for lunch at a normal time, so Dinner wasn't a trial, it was necessary and I didn't mind cooking it. Routine, apparently, is the name of the game. So I've got two goals for May and they're to move my expanding body 30 minutes a day, employing my out-of-office message to inform colleagues I'm taki...

Status: Full of popcorn, still kicking Mood: It's 1 a.m. and I'm posting to my blog? What do you think? Snacks: The aforementioned popcorn and ubiquitous cheez crackers. Quick update: Lots of feels this week for lots of reasons. Seven weeks is a long time to be alone. Working in isolation makes me feel like I'm not doing enough or doing everything wrong. Shopping in masks is disorienting and scary. Feeling more isolated and lonely than usual. So here's "Waving Through a Window" from Evan Hanson with my scary hair, glasses and pajamas. I am nothing if not authentically me. Hope someone is waving back at you.

Status: I just live in this room now. But indeed, I live! Mood: It's the end of the world as we know it and I'm sort of whatever about it at this point. Snacks: A few cheese crackers and some chickpea chip things that were surprisingly good. I haven't made another cake because I will just start eating it for breakfast. Everyone is doing the best they can to weather this history we're living through (and which, as my sister noted, would be better skipped and read about later). For me, the weekends are so much easier. I save my housework for them. I read. I do projects. This past weekend, I even I stood a safe distance from my sister and chatted with her as she performed the essential task of bringing me eggs from her lovely chickens. (Hello chickens!) I am super lucky to have a job, let alone one that can be done remotely. But it does get lonely. While I used to be bubbly in the sense that I was outgoing, now I'm bubbly in the sense that I'm alone in this b...

Status: Dreaming of hammocks and sunny days. Oh, and alive. Yay! Mood: Why can't dishes wash themselves? Snacks: Oooh! I just remembered I have one piece of cake left. Woohoo! Today would have been Spring Carnival at CMU, which is basically the one time each year CMU students have fun. While I was super involved in Carnival my sophomore and junior years, it wasn't until my senior year that I really cut loose and enjoyed myself. At that point, I had about one month left on campus, my GPA was solidly above 3.5 and I assumed no one was going to throw me out or take away my scholarship money. Unlike this weekend, the weather was gorgeous -- in the 80s and sunny. I went to a party! I went to Buggy! We wondered around Oakland and Shadyside like normal people. It was great! So my heart goes out to this year's CMU seniors, in particular, who busted ass for almost four years only to lose their month or so of fun. (Although I feel like the campus culture has changed and ther...

Status: Sick and tired of cooking dinner. But alive. Mood: Eh. You know, fine, I guess. Snacks: Well, I'm out of oatmeal cream pies now. Maybe that's a blessing. Today I put on a nice shirt and sweater -- after I showered! -- because I'm tired of looking like crap every day. That was my big excitement. Also, I can't figure out how to get my phone where I need it for optimal recording so this video is vertical again. Sigh. Amazon won't ship a tripod until May, because I guess it's not "essential." What do you know, AMAZON? Huh? Anyway, Tuesdays are going to be throwbacks to my youth. Today, "Gloria" by Laura Branigan. I have the album! I loved this song so much when I was like six years old that my grandma and pap also bought me the 45. Yes, the 45. (We weren't allowed to play good records on the upstairs record player, so the 45 allowed me to play it while I did whatever six-year-old Susie did -- probably read and sing and do puz...

Status: Alive, but my eyes are hot. What does that mean? Mood: I didn't start this fire. Snacks: I still firmly believe that cake for breakfast isn't a snack. Why hello! Welcome back to Susie's Pandemic Log and Solo Karaoke! I took a bit of a long break, didn't I? No post on Friday or all weekend. I was blissfully away from technology (minus my phone) for most of that time and, frankly, felt like reading instead of writing. So that's what I did. I also tried to organize my family into an Easter Zoom call and that, well. That needs some work. We'll get there someday. Finally, I pulled weeds in my yard without my gardening gloves and I look like I was in a knife fight. I've been thinking about my "rang-ed" episode from last Monday's karaoke and I wonder if that was supposed to be "ranged" (in the sense of " to sail or pass along," as my friends at Merriam-Webster define it). But if you listen to the song, it's cle...

Status: Body composition at roughly 50 percent cheese crackers. Mood: Contemplative. Perhaps I should invest in shirts that aren't pink or black. Snacks: Say it with me: oatmeeeeeal creaaaaam piiiiiiiie. Hello readers and watchers! After a brief hiatus I am back today and queuing up "Build Me Up Buttercup." I love this song, but singing it with the lyrics in front of me twice has made me realize this dude has a LOT of codependency issues. And that lady he's waiting for? She's a real bitch, I think. She doesn't sound like a nice person. He could do better. Listen, dude from the Foundations: YOU CAN DO BETTER! Things here in Solitary Susieland continue as usual. I have moved from a mostly Julia Child television diet to one interspersed with episodes of "Antiques Roadshow." I can't seem to cry over the state of the world, missing my family or being scared about the future (thanks antidepressants!), but I CAN be brought to tears by a man who...

Status: Alive. Not as sleepy as yesterday. Wheee! Down to three rolls of TP. Should I be concerned? Mood: Going a wee bit stir crazy. Snacks: OK, fine. I had an oatmeal cream pie. Readers, this daily karaoke journey is fraught with peril. I made multiple attempts to capture today's recording. On the first try, my sound didn't work. On the second, my camera fell and landed in my cleavage. On the third, I warbled too much. But still I persisted, and finally got this version of "Part of Your World" (with some ad-libbed alternate lyrics) before I pulled out my quarantine hair. It's week four for remote work here, and it can be a real challenge. I find that I'm great at accomplishing task-based to-dos, but have a helluva time thinking about big-picture or strategy issues. I thought this would get easier over time, but it doesn't seem like it is. I'm sure I'm not the only one in this boat, but it's hard to know since I really am literally the...

Status: Sleepy, but fine. Alive and all that jazz. Mood: If there was a problem, yo, I'll solve it. But maybe tomorrow. Snacks: Not a one! It's a Monday miracle! Readers, I am super tired today. I don't know why, but at least one day a week I feel like a limp noodle. Today is that day. Nothing is newly wrong or anything. I'm just beat. What better way to perk up than with some Vanilla Ice? (Wait, is that a euphemism for cocaine? Because I don't mean cocaine. I mean the artist. Also, this song's numerous gun references made me really uncomfortable.)

Status: I got the beat. Mood: Not too shabby considering the world is a dumpster fire. Snacks: I had some chips with my meatloaf sandwich. I am, after all, only human. I think we all know that I'm probably a ham, but this Susie's Karaoke Alone (which I think I should rename Susie's Solo Karaoke) video thing really brings it out in me. Part of me wishes I were a more sedate human person, who doesn't think making a video of herself singing is hilarious. But clearly that's not me. Ah well. Maybe I'll be shy and quiet in my next life. Today wasn't too bad! I talked to my neighbor out of my window for quite a while, exercised a bit, sang some karaoke, did some work (for any co-workers who might be reading this), ate some lunch. That sounds like the schedule of a senior citizen. Tomorrow, for some excitement, I may mobile order an iced coffee from Dunkin' and GET IN MY CAR to drive and pick it up. What a notion! Today's karaoke goes out to Drew,...

Status: Still breathing. Whoop! Mood: Thankful for Zoloft. Snacks: None yet, but that won't last long. OK, apparently nothing makes me quite as happy as singing in my guest room alone. Well, at least during times when I can't hang out with people in real life and subject them to my vocal skills. Today: Air Supply. Man, I love these guys. Melodrama! Passion! Weird bridges! They're the best for singalongs. Also, I hit a clunker and cracked myself up. You get to see it, because I'm keeping it real here at Susie's Karaoke Alone. PS: Can someone help me figure out how to get a horizontal aspect using only a coffee mug and Kleenex box as props?

Status: Alive, maybe a little loony. Mood: Better than yesterday. Snacks: NONE! Because I've gained five pounds since this all started. No foolin' (PUN INTENDED!), this working remotely thing isn't as easy as I thought it would be initially. I miss a lot of things: other humans (until I actually interact with other humans again, then I don't miss them because some of them are assholes), brownies I don't have to bake myself, buying things when I need them instead of thinking a month ahead. Yesterday I got really down about some of the day's goings on, and it was super frustrating to just have to sit here and be sad alone. And angry alone. And alone and alone and alone. So today I sang some ABBA and recorded it. You're welcome. Do I go flat? YES. Do I warble? YES? But do I accurately capture the drama of the words? I SURE DO. Will this become a daily treat? Perhaps! Please enjoy as I humiliate myself for your entertainment.

Status: Possibly comatose or narcoleptic? But technically still alive and kicking Mood: Weary Snacks: The only healthy thing I ate today was applesauce. I think the existential dread of the COVID-19 pandemic hit me fast and hard in these past 24 hours. I'm sleeping so much, and when I'm not sleeping I'm eating. Clearly this can't continue, but no one really prepared me to live through the plague. There was no Plague Survival 101 in college. I didn't excel in Girl Scout survival-type activities. Most badges I earned were for reading, learning about history, cooking and sewing. Sure, I earned some camping badges and even one for horseback riding (shiver), but I was convinced both experiences were designed specifically to kill me. I am not what you would call brave. Keep Calm and Carry On? Pffft. More like There's Always a Reason to Worry. It's exhausting. I wonder if you move through quarantine stages like you do grief. First you calmly shop for food ...

Status: Alive (yay!) but super tired (why?) Mood: Everything is normal. (WTH? No it's not.) Snacks: Chocolate cake isn't a snack if you eat it for lunch. This morning, I awoke to the dulcet sounds of Air Supply ("All Out of Love") on my Alexa alarm, still basking in the glow of a dream where instead of hunting fruitlessly for flour I was talking with a nice, handsome human male. Still feeling pretty perky, I threw on some clothes and ventured downstairs to make a chocolate cake before work started. I zoomed in to the team meeting feeling like it was a normal Tuesday. It isn't NORMAL Susie! What is the matter with you??? Our brains prove remarkable in their ability to adapt, and somehow mine thinks Google Hangout parties and not going anywhere for more than a week are simply what we do now. And it's OK with that. This adaptation is probably what we have to do to survive insanity, like this news that it's OK to kill our parents and grandparents to...

Status: Alive and a little tipsy Mood: Fine. Everything Is Fine. Snacks: Finished my generic cheez crackers. Had some potato sticks. Found a cider for virtual happy hour. Today marks the end of Pandemic Week One, a period of time that has somehow lasted approximately 435 days. I'm settling into the whole being in the house alone thing, but I also find I'm engaging in activities like yelling at people out my window to comment on their dog's cuteness. (True story. Also true: the owner was weirder than me, even considering that I was yelling out a window.) I think, like the rest of the sane people in America, I'm concerned about what comes next. Not just how long will this last, but will everyone I love be on the other side of this? Will there be another side? What will the economic fallout and (I hope) subsequent recovery be after America basically closes? But most importantly, will I ever be able to buy bread flour again? Oh, you think I'm kidding, but i...

Status: Alive, Sneezy, Less Headachy, Generally More Alert Than Yesterday Mood: What pandemic? Today's Snacks: A reasonable portion of generic Cheez-It. I should stock up on these things. <Prays that cheese snack crackers don't become the new TP and hand sanitizer.> You'll recall that I decided to draw a line under yesterday and hit reset today. Shockingly, it was much more successful than the attempts I once made with my finances. I arose from slumber slightly later than I'd have liked, but logged in and started working at my normal time. The sun streamed through the window on my left. The birds chirped. I ALMOST forgot that people all over the world are dying. Honestly,  it was kind of blissful. Basically, today I gave myself a huge emotional break. I'm super lucky to have a job I can do remotely, and I'm trying my best to keep things "business as usual." But the truth is, there's nothing usual about what's going on right now. ...

Status: Alive, but sluggish. Slothish. Still have this effing headache, probably from the sky falling on me. Mood:   Potato Famine Irish. Today's Snacks: Aldi knock-off Cheez-It, some sort of addictive potato sticks, possibly a Little Debbie. The day ain't over. Day Two was a bad day. Day One was kind of novel, like the novel coronavirus that has me locked in my house away from the world and coffee shops and other human contact. But a better novel. Sort of like oooh, this is a fun opportunity to explore my inner self, set a schedule and come out a better human on the other side. Day One Susie had a sense of adventure and optimism. She imagined returning to her office in a few weeks slightly slimmer with a bulleted list of accomplished tasks to her name. Day Two Susie hates Day One Susie. What an perky asshole. Anyway, reality has set in. Long lines for booze and the absence of toilet paper on shelves have made me realize that our society consists primarily of alcoholic...

Status: Alive and mostly well. Convincing myself that a three-day headache is normal. Mood: Oddly optimistic Today's Snack: Reese's egg. I'm only human and life might be shorter than I'd hoped. With the world crumbling around you, it can be hard to find any kind of joy in life. Oh hey, it's another day in my house alone and people are dying from a disease we PROBABLY could have helped not spread if only our inept government had paid attention to warning signs that even this writer saw ages ago. And idiots have bought all the toilet paper and disinfecting wipes because apparently no one cleaned their houses or asses before last week. But I digress. Anyway, today was my first "work from home for who knows how long" day. I generally have one remote day a week and I work on the couch. But staring down the barrel of an unknown quantity of such days disconcerted me a bit. How long, for example, can one wear pajamas? Days? Weeks? What's the best wa...